How to Burn Your Butt by Richard
Hello, I’ve decided to do something different this time. So welcome to "How to Burn Your Butt By Richard"!
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Um hi there! My name is Richard as most of you know already. Yes. Uh Una tells me to tell more about myself since SHE HASN’T INCLUDED ME IN THE STORY AS MUCH AS OTHERS!!! Oh yeah, what do ya think of that!
Una: OK sorry, he’s zoned out! He should be back to his un-normal self in 3, 2, 1!
Fine. I’m fine now. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m handsome and have dark hair and dark eyes. Also I like cars…good cars and I have a good car myself! Yes, she is the bestest best car ever. I’m a good boy!
Una: Well, at least we know where the girls learned this "good girl" thing from…
But of course I also have the most beautiful wife a man could have. And she is writing a novel now:
She thinks a lot about it. Even more than she thinks about me but everything will be fine by the time she’s finished, right?
"Hmmm how about them getting engaged…"she says
"Oh oh, and they’ll have a baby!" she also says. Really, why am I not all that excited about this novel which she’ll make me read?
Well I guess I should tell you some good news like: I earned 5,000 simoleons!
And to celebrate I let myself win the game of chess I was playing
Una: OK Dork-Alert!
Hey! Butt out, this is my turn!
Because Cornelia was bored…
…I tried to keep her company and impress her by making my own Crepes Suzzette
"Hey, Cornelia watch this!" I said
"And to add some fire!" I said, but I guess she wasn’t impressed so I looked over at her
Like I had thought, she was asleep. I knew she worked too hard on that darn novel!
"Hey! Corn…elia! Wakey wakey!" I yelled
"Huh?" She said
"Aargh now you made me drop it!" I said while the burning Crepes Suzzette fell to the floor.
" *sniff* do I smell smoke? *sniff* *sniff* Aaargh!!!" I shouted because my butt had cought on fire
"Cornelia! Helooo my butt is on FIRE! NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!" to tell you the truth I was really afraud then…And I’m never afraid!
Una: Yeah sure…never afraid! Like that time when you told us that Kitty was trying to kill you using a flipper and you said you weren’t afraid!
That was different I swear that cat’s gonna get it the next time she tries anything like that again!
"I told you not to cook anything that’s too hard for you!" Cornelia scolded me
"Yeah well sorry for being an idiot husband who even the cat hates!" I said back
" *sniff* pee-you! I smell and stop getting that stuff all over my trousers and work on that floor!" I said
"Oh shut up! It’s not my fault that you had to make a mess on the floor! And I’m not a fireman!" she shouted
"Hey *cough* not in the face! Call the fireman!" I panicked
"Hey, where did he come from?" asked Cornelia surprised at the firemans sudden appearance
"Ha ha ha! OK ok stop! That tickles!" I said laughing
"Phew!" everyone sighed in relief except that darn cat!
We felt such relief and happiness so we kissed.
And we decided to have some private time in the bedroom…
"Did that get bigger?" I thought
"I hope that the walls don’t shake like in the white house!" she said giggling
"Oh they’ll shake like mountains!" I answered
"That was lame!" she said
"Why is the celieng shaking like that?" wondered Linda
Una: OK your losing me!
Una: OK folks you lost me!
After that she started feeling weird and in a few days she said
"Um, I’m feeling kinda weird. I haven’t had this feeling since…..I was pregnant! Oh no Richard I gotta get some pregnancy tests!" she announced! Wow, I’m gonna be a dad again because the test was positive. One more challenge: we had to tell the girls!
"Linda turn off the TV please." Cornelia said
"We have something important to tell you." I added
"I’ll just say it straight: You’re gonna have a baby brother or sister!" she said excitedly
"Yay!" they said together
So what can I say? We’re a happy family!
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First can I say that I hate making posts where dirty stuff happen so if you disliked that I won’t make loads of those. Just look on the bright side: I won’t let Richard write this blog EVER again!
